Follow-ups

Spring classes have started... I'm going to be one busy student for a while. I have a 20 paged paper to write and an assignment as well as a group project to work on... it will be hectic, stressful, but it will be redeeming once it's all done ... and that will be one less course to take!

The photo job got back to me. I ended up giving the thank you letters a few days after the interview, and I was told that I would get a call later that week. That call never happened, so today before the week ended, I decided to do a follow-up call. They said the location I applied for was already full for employees, but they asked me if I would work at another location. I told them it was fine and they said they will call me back soon once they speak with the DM. So yay, I still have a chance!! Other than that, I also have another interview for a food job... I'm going to see how that goes once I get a call (I was told I would get a call the other day to setup training and such, but it didn't happen). I wonder if the food job will pay more than the photo job? We'll see. Kinda looking for experience right now.. and something that will work around my school schedule, since I also still need some days to research/do my assignments.

So far so good. The weekend is here... which means it's time to indulge in the sun, but also get started on some research. My first few assignments are due in a week! :S

Too much thinking, isolation, possibly alienation?

Whenever I'm in a particular crowd of friends... and with my SO, I get this awkward feeling of isolation. We had a skype conference and the dominate voices were doing some talking.. I sit back and listen.. I try to intervene at certain times but then it feels awkward and it doesn't feel like anyone is listening to me or cares.

I always get this weird feeling around people that I don't know or people I do know. I'll stand or sit there, look around, and be like 'why isn't anyone coming up to me to chat?' 'why do I always have to initiate the convo?' it makes me feel like no one WANTS to take the initiative to come talk to me... I feel awful and awkward.

Then when it's me, and two other friends who are having a great conversation... one of them leave, then it's just me and one friend.... all goes quiet. They don't attempt to start a conversation. Instead, i try to break the silence, but I realize it's always me who breaks the silence, and never them. Am I really that awkward to talk to? Do you really have nothing to talk about with me? The other week, it was so quiet between me and my friend on the way home... and everytime I tried to chat, she would answer and make it seem like she didn't really want to talk.. agh. maybe she was tired, i dont know.

I'm not saying the world has to revolve around me. I'm just saying I feel left out a lot of the time and feel like no one really wants to get up and talk to me.. I always find myself trying to shove my way into a conversation, only to be pushed out of it... or so it seems.

I can have a one to one with a good friend, but I can't do that with people I've only known for a year.. what is wrong with me? Maybe I've just lost my independence... I've lost the will to try and be optimistic and positive after getting all worked up for a relationship.

even online conversations get awkward too.. did I just lose my dazzle? :(

am I jealous? I think I am.. or rather, I'm letting myself be pushed down too far..

A breath of air

Finally, first year of film school is done! However, my spring course is coming soon. In the meantime, I have just been hanging out with friends, and looking for jobs everyday. It's hard work, and my poor wallet could really use a job anytime soon.

That other food job never got back to me. I guess they aren't hiring anymore :( Or they didn't like my resume. I applied for a photography sales position the other week. Went to an interview for it, now waiting on them to get back to me, since the District Manager left while I was still doing my job shadow. I've got a few thank you notes for them. Hopefully it's not too late to deliver them... I should probably call them on Friday if I don't get a response, since I think the DM said she would be there. Or was it today? Ah, I don't know.

I am actively still trying to find suitable jobs for the spring/summer. If all else fails, I will apply for a sales position at an engraving shop. That could be fun! :)

Asides from job hunting, I was able to spend some much needed time with my friends. :) It's been a few years since I last spent some time with some of my friends, so it was really nice to see them this week. Makes me realize there is a reason to be happy still, because I also have them in my life. :) I haven't been the most suitable person to engage socially with for the past few years, so this has also boosted my confidence that I can still have fun with others, laugh, and have good conversation. :) However, a lot of stuff we do requires the spending of money... so for a few days I will refrain from social activities, and slowly try to accumulate my dollars to make amends for the next social occasion.

With the lack of a upass this semester, I have to start buying bus ticket books. These cost quite a bit and the use of each ticket is pretty frequent. On average, I use two a day, and there's only 10 tickets in one book... so I only have 5 days with the tickets, and then it's off to the store to go purchase a new set. Luckily, we live in a world of credit, and we are able to get some money back if we submit our receipts. I have never submitted the receipts for these purchases for my taxes, but I definitely will for the next tax year.... so that I can buy more booklets. T_T

For the next few days I think I should work on tidying up my room, do a bit of studying for Japanese, and also do some work ahead of time for my Spring course. Oh, and, do my volunteering. Ah... at least I can relax here and there more often! :)